My role as helper is not to do things for the person I am trying to help, but to be things; not to try to control and change their actions, but through understanding and awareness to change my reactions. I will change my negatives to positives, fear to faith, contempt for what they do to understanding, and manipulation or over-protectiveness to release with love - not trying to make them fit a standard or image, but giving them an opportunity to pursue their own destiny, regardless of what their choice may be.
I will change my dominance to encouragement, panic to serenity, the inertia of despair to the energy of my own personal growth, and self-justification to self-understanding. Self pity blocks effective action. The more I indulge in it, the more I feel that the answer to my problem is a change in others and in society, not in myself. Thus, I become a hopeless case.
Exhaustion is the result when I use my energy in mulling over the past with regret or in trying to figure ways to escape a future that has yet to arrive. Projecting an image of the future and anxiously hovering over it for fear it will or it won't come true uses all of my energy and leaves me unable to live today. Yet living today is the only way to have a life.
I will have no thought for the future action of others, neither expecting them to be better or worse as time goes on, for in such expectations I am really trying to create. I will love and let be. All people are always changing. If I try to judge them, I do so only on what I think I know of them, failing to realize that there is much I do not know. I will give others credit for attempts at progress and for having had many victories which are unknown.
I, too, am always changing, and I can make that change a constructive one if I am willing. I can change myself. Others, I can only love.
Monday, July 6, 2015
Stepping Out of Our Three Sided Boxes
Last Sunday Brenda referred to fear in
her sermon. As she spoke a light bulb flashed for me. When we say
“perfect love casts out all fear” we are naming love as the
opposite of fear, not courage, safety or security. Somehow I've
missed that up till now. We spend so much energy trying to
guarantee our comfort, safety and security. But Scripture reminds
us that those are not the antidotes of fear at all. In fact, our
very pursuit of safety and security will always make us even more
afraid!
Love is the antidote to fear. Love.
Not a feel good love but a love that is intent on we ourselves being
the agent of change. We do that by willing what is best for the
other, respecting the others right to a decent life, even when we
can't stand their guts. Even when they've bullied, demeaned and hurt
us.
Someone once said that we can summarize
all of Jesus teachings in three short phrases. Love your enemies,
Feed my sheep. Follow me. Love your enemies, love your obnoxious
family members and neighbors. Love bigots, crackpots, illegal
immigrants, criminals, those of different races, colors, religions.
Love fanatics and self aggrandizing politicans of all sorts. Not
easy, so it's no wonder we have instead focused on economic security,
the right to carry, the myth of redemptive violence, building fences
of all sorts, demonizing those who are different. Agape love, that
is God inspired love that enables us to rescpect and value those we
can't stand, those who are committed to hurting and even killing us
is the hardest things we can possibly do. As if to underscore that
the very first Bible stories that include human beings involves
blaming and jealousy.
Back in the 70's when I was going to
Newton, Kansas for church meetings I got to know Peter Ediger. Pete
was an outspoken peace advocate, pastor and poet. At one of those
meeting he shared a dream. In his dream he saw a long row of big
boxes in which many people (he described them as the damned) were
agitated and pacing back and forth. The thing was these boxes had
only three sides. The fourth was completely open. Nothing kept the
frantic people inside their boxes, yet no one turned around. Everyone
kept facing the three closed sides, wailing, complaining, lamenting
their situation. In the dream, Peter called out to them, “You are
free, Turn around and step outside.” But the people said “go
away you damned radical” and kept tearing their hair and walking
back and forth beating aginst the walls, refusing to turn and face
the opening.
This weekend we celebrate our nation's
birthday. In many ways our founding fathers were radicals who
stepped outside of the box and embraced a new way of being and doing.
But over the years we've become comfortable in the three sided boxes
we've created. We've become reluctant to turn around and step
outside, because that would require change, loving
our enemies, welcoming immigrants, embracing those who are different,
being open to those who challenge our biases and assumptions. It
would require us to change. Not them, but us..
Love is the antidote to fear, not
because it transforms the other or makes us any safer, at least in
the short run, but because it transforms us. Freed from fear we can
embark on new paths, engage in new activities, look through a new set
of eyes, feel new feelings. Free, we can risk, become more like the
people God intended us to be.
Much of the time I am ashamed to call
myself Christian when I see the evil done in the name of Christ, but
today I proudly proclaim myself a Christ follower, timid though I may
be in my following. The church's call to “repent and be saved”
is not just a valid one, but an essential one if we are to survive as
a species. Repent. Change direction. Turn around.
Step outside the box. Embrace change however frightening. Be saved
from ourselves, our self destructive policies and actions, and our
fears.
After a hurricane in the 70's Mac
Albright suggested we take the church kids rubber rafting. Being a
bit nuts I agreed. We gathered up our gang of about 15 middle
schoolers and took off. We had 2 rafts; a big one that accomodated
most of the kids, and a smaller one for four. Mac assurred me that Link,
his nephew, was a veteran rubber rafter and he could manage the small
raft. Yeah right. We hadn't gone far before we tipped the raft over and fell in the water. Fortunately the stream was shallow enough at that point that we could wade
to a little island and catch our breaths. Delighted with our
adventure we climbed back in and set sail.
And then disaster struck. Real
disaster. At a broken dam, now clogged with all sorts of debris sucked into a whirlpool in front of the dam, throwing the four of us into the raging water. Somehow I
managed to pull myself out, grabbed hold of Link's arm and pulled him
to safety. Gasping, the two of us went in after Eddie Richardson.
But where was Fid? Diving back in I found him trapped under the
trash, his foot tangled in some string. am convinced that some power greater than
myself gifted us that afternoon for there is no way I was strong enough to have dived
under that water, grabbed Fid's arm at the shoulder, disentangled his leg, and pulled both of us
up out of that swirling sucking vortex. As soon as we'd surface
enough to catch a breath of air, it pulled us back under. But by the
grace of God, Fid and I eventually crawled out of the water and debris
to safety. And then the four of us got back in the raft and finished
our trip down stream. Having narrowly escaped death we all needed to
join the others.
When I dropped Les and Fid off at their
home, Fid ran into the house shouting, “Mom, Dad, Mrs Shutt saved my
life!” That's when I understood the Biblical imperative “repent
and be saved.” The ways we chose to live, the choices we make have
serious long range implications. Biblical writers understood
that when we focus on greed, self interest, war and violence there is
only possible outcome. Death and more of the same. Unless we repent, unless
we step out of our three sided boxes, nothing will ever change. Salvation involved stepping out of our boxes. Not saved as an evacuation plan to heaven, but saved so that
God's energy can flow through us to help others. Saved to live in
relationship with others and our world. Saved to work together for the
betterment of humankind. Saved to belong to a joy filled beloved
community of faithful followers. Saved to be grateful rather than greedy. Hearing Fid call out “Mrs Shutt
saved my life” I found I really wanted to spend the rest of my
life helping others step outside of their three sided boxes.
If we are to save our broken war torn,
hate filled, greed infested, self-centered world, then we have to be
the first ones to turn around and step outside of the box. We must
be the ones to embrace that promised love that defies human
understanding and casts out all fear. Difficult as it is to trust in
an unseen God, we can do this, not that it will be easy. It won't.
The old familiar ways of being and doing are like that watery vortex
that kept pulling us back under the broken dam. But being so flooded with love and
concern for those kids that afternoon I completely lost all fear
and concern for my own safety and that momentary burst of love was
enough to mobilize my strength to pull Fid far enough out of the
water that two other little boys could do the rest.
And that's how it works! A scrawny
little woamn and two kids complete the metaphor. Perfect love
exists in imperfect scrawny improbable people for that
love is not about us and what we can do on our own, it is about
joining others in small actions and efforts. Being with, needing,
depending on,, sharing with, weeping with, laughing with others. Together love flows through us from a power greater
than all of us. Together love can and will free us to
turn around and make that first baby step out of our three sided
boxes into God's open future. Amen
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